We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
3 2 1 whiskey
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
