I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
