I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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