I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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