i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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