you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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