the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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