Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
