3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
