I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
