My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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