Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
