i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
