he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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