Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Randomize
