I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
