the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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