Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
