Barsexuality is the new black.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
