a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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