I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
