Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
