Michael Bay diarrhea
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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