you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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