I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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