I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
