don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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