just tell him i said nine months
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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