College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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