True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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