I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
