hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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