I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
