He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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