Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The power of my boobs compel you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
