Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
