I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize