Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
