i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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