pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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