he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
