awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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