Tell her she can't have a vagina
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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