Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
