This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize