If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were trust falling into bushes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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