exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
