I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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