After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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