he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You ate ashes out of my bong