Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.