I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is the high leading the old right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny