After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
