Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
