your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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