just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I AM VODKA MAN
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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