So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
