Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
