I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
