you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
