I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
