Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
