I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
