I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
