Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
