I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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