Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
