I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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